


Jack Attack

by Kimi_Ichisaigosuki



Series: Doctor Who meets YouTube meets The Young Wizards Series [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: CaptainSepticEye, Gen, I don't know what I'm calling this ship, JackAttack, JackSquared, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 13:31:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5418881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimi_Ichisaigosuki/pseuds/Kimi_Ichisaigosuki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jacksepticeye tracks down Captain Jack Harkness for help finding Mark and Dan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jack Attack

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OctoberSpirit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OctoberSpirit/gifts).



> I blame Octoberspirit for planting this seed in my brain. She’s trying to make me ship all the things that don’t exist. For the purposes of not confusing everyone, including myself, Jacksepticeye is going to be referred to as Jack and Captain Jack Harkness is going to be referred to as Harkness. And I really, truly apologize for my attempts at tech-speak. I know technology doesn’t work this way, but UNIT uses alien tech all the time, so I’m using the time-honored writing technique of “it works like this because I said so.”
> 
> Also, Jack, if you end up reading this, I hope it amuses you more than anything else. This entire universe is meant to be far more humorous than serious.

Harkness chuckled as he finished securing a hidden trove of alien technology in South Australia and leaned back in his chair, looking at the screens showing surveillance of the surrounding streets. He was on freelance with UNIT in their Cardiff facility, taking up TORCHWOOD’s duties until the bureaucrats could reinstate the now-defunct organization. At least, that was the official plan. Harkness was of the opinion that TORCHWOOD was no longer needed, and he had no intention of joining up again. He’d managed to repair his vortex manipulator, and as soon as UNIT was stable enough to survive without him he would be off planet and hopefully a few centuries into the future.

Of course, that was presuming that he couldn’t hitch a ride with the Doctor the next time he was on Earth.

The secretary, a young woman assigned the pseudonym Allison Westacott after coming to UNIT with a background in guerrilla warfare and international espionage, set a cup of coffee beside him with a smirk. “Good morning, Captain Harkness. You’re in early.” Her hand drifted over his shoulders and he returned the smirk, capturing her hand and kissing her knuckles.

“Anything for your coffee, Allison.” He picked up the mug and sipped some of the best coffee he’d ever had, as per usual. UNIT always supplied uncommonly good coffee; rumor in the break room was that catering spiked the beans with alien spices.

Allison smiled back with teeth that were just a touch too white, the bright green fibers of her artificial irises shimmering iridescent like hummingbird feathers in the light from the screens. Her pupils, built for the singular reason of blending in with other humans, flashed blue for a moment as the tablet in her hands synchronized with the ocular hardware. Harkness shrugged off the general uneasiness that always came with the reminder that Allison had voluntarily replaced her eyes with alien tech. Even in the fifty-first century cyborg technology was less than reliable unless it was being used in prosthetic limbs, and the neural interfacing was still glitchy at times. Cyborg eyes were hit or miss, and left the person blind as often as they enhanced the person’s senses. Still, Allison was happy with her ability to interface with almost any computer regardless of its wireless capacity, and there hadn’t been any problems so far…

Movement on the screen caught Harkness’s eye and he looked up to see a young man, slender and pale and with alarmingly green hair sticking out from under his beanie, hanging around the back entrance of the building like he was looking for something. Harkness frowned and set down his coffee, leaning over the keyboard to get a better look at the man’s face. From the look of the facial hair, his natural hair color was brown. He was wearing a jacket and worn out jeans with a pair of well-loved high top sneakers. “Who’s that?”

Allison tapped at her tablet more for Harkness’s benefit than her own, bringing up the facial recognition software to see if the young man set off any red flags. “…He’s an internet celebrity. Goes by the name Jacksepticeye.”

“Does he, now?” Harkness stared at the video, wondering why an Irish internet personality would be hanging around Cardiff in a part of town designed to discourage casual loitering. “Any indication of why he’d be in this area?”

Tapping sounded behind him as Allison looked through the database. “…Nothing. He does know at least one other internet celebrity who lives near London, but there’s nothing to indicate why he would be in Cardiff. He might just be traveling.”

“If he’s traveling, then why is he so far off the beaten track?” They watched the young man check his watch, heave a sigh of exasperation, and turn away. Harkness steepled his fingers as Jack walked down the alley, looking irked and like he’d wasted his time. “Huh. I wonder if he was supposed to meet someone.” The green-haired Youtuber disappeared around the corner as an alert showed up on a separate screen, indicating time travel technology in use within a fifty-mile radius of the Rift. Harkness felt a grin split his face, and he leapt out of his chair to the station across the room. “Yes!” He began triangulating the signal. “Come on, come on…” His fingers flew over the keyboard. “It’s gotta be him. It has to be the Doctor.”

Allison frowned, professional disapproval chasing the lines of her face. “Captain Harkness, I feel I must remind you of your contract with UNIT-”

“Screw the contract. I wasn’t born on this planet, or in this century, for that matter. This world doesn’t recognize contracts with people who aren’t born yet, and it won’t for another century or two.” The computer chirped politely, indicating that it had triangulated the signal within a one-mile radius of the base. Harkness synchronized the information with his vortex manipulator before cutting the connection between the UNIT computer and his technology in case anyone decided to try to follow him. He ran to the door, pulling on his coat and grabbing his satchel as he passed his station. “I’ll be back if this is a dead end. For now, just tell the higher-ups that I’m handling some personal business.” He was out the door and in the alley that the Youtuber had vacated before Allison could call security or otherwise try to stop him. Her right hook was legendary, and Harkness had no desire to experience the legend firsthand, so he took off into Cardiff.

The vortex manipulator on Harkness’s wrist beeped to alert him that he was following the correct path, and he had to laugh. “The Rift again, Doctor? You’re getting predictable.” He put on a burst of speed, and hit the square as the TARDIS door closed. “Doctor!” Just as Harkness was about to reach the blue box a streak of green and grey slammed into him, sending him and his assailant tumbling to the ground. Harkness swore the air blue in several alien languages as he struggled to sit up, watching the time machine dematerialize not ten minutes after UNIT had detected its arrival.

“What the fuck?” Bright blue eyes pierced his as the Youtube celebrity stared at him. “I haven’t ever heard any of those words before, but I can sure as hell guess what they mean.” Jacksepticeye climbed to his feet, looking Harkness over critically. “Are you Jack Harkness?” Harkness stood up, giving Jack a look of pure vitriol and a terse nod. The young man frowned, not much affected by Harkness’s glare. “Dude, sorry for knocking you over, but I need to talk to you.”

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” Wide eyes blinked up at Harkness, and he clenched his jaw in a futile attempt to rein in his temper. “I have been trying to get off this rock for the past five years. That blue box was my best chance of that, since my own methods of leaving this planet tend to be haphazard at best. And you,” he jabbed a finger into Jack’s chest, eliciting a startled yelp and a glare, “just messed it up. I have no idea when the Doctor will come back.” Harkness dusted off his coat as Jack adjusted his blue and grey beanie with a pom on the top. The headband of the hat had what looked like a green eyeball embroidered on the side. “And how do you even know who I am?”

Jack frowned up at him, setting his clothes to rights and making sure there weren’t any new rips in his jeans from the tumble over the pavement. “I’m looking for my friend. Well, two of my friends. I was able to get some information from the London police department about a week ago.” He crossed his arms. “Apparently my friends disappeared into a vanishing blue box. I thought it was a bad joke since, y’know, Doctor Who and all that. Then I did some digging.” Harkness went still as Jack’s eyes bored into him. “Turns out there have been a lot of stories in the past decade about that disappearing blue box, ever since the Perseid meteor shower in Two-thousand and Four. And the main writers for the show all have parts of their lives where they seem to have just fallen off the face of the Earth. Or, just maybe, they stepped into a disappearing blue box.” Jack tilted his head to the side as Harkness quietly processed the information. “Then I stumbled across an internet rumor that you’d been seen in Cardiff. One quick trip to the wiki page, and I had all the information I needed to try to track you down. And here you are.” He stepped close, getting into Harkness’s personal space in a manner that was probably meant to be intimidating, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. “You are gonna help me find my friends,” he growled, “and in return I’ll stay quiet about Doctor Who being a real thing. I’m sure that’d make your life a hell of a lot easier, especially since I have seven million people all over the world who are willing to listen to me online.”

Harkness’s reaction was immediate: he grabbed the slighter man by the shoulders and slammed him against the nearest wall. UNIT had some serious algorithm problems if the connection between Jack and the Doctor had been missed, particularly if there were only two degrees of separation, and Harkness did not appreciate having any kind of danger held over his head. “Think very carefully about who you’re threatening, boy.” Jack glared up at him defiantly, and Harkness smirked. He had to admire the young man’s spirit in the face of danger, and chuckled as he released Jack’s shoulders. “What makes you think I can help you, anyway?”

Jack gave him a flat look. “My friends hijacked the TARDIS. The Doctor is with the flatmate of one of them, trying to track them down.”

Harkness hummed in thought, glancing at his vortex manipulator. “In that case, I might be able to help.” He looked up, his eyes flashing with mischief as he held out his hand. “Alright. Keep quiet about me and the Doctor, and you’ve got yourself a deal.” Jack met his gaze measuringly, then nodded and shook his hand. They began walking, and Harkness glanced down at the Youtuber. “How did you get here?”

“I flew, then took a cab. I hope you have a car, by the way, because I don’t have a license.” Harkness thought back to his car, still parked at the UNIT base, and the innumerable trackers installed in it, and shook his head. “We’ll take the train, then.” Jack’s phone rang as Harkness was about to ask for his real name, and he glanced at the screen before answering the call. “Phil? Yeah, I have him with me, we’ll be there in about three hours.” He took the lead as Harkness hung back a bit to check his vortex manipulator and make sure it was still working properly after he'd become more acquainted with the street than he’d liked. Harkness nodded in satisfaction as the technology responded the way he wanted it to, and glanced up at the young man in front of him. A smirk tugged at his lips as Jack hung up the phone and looked back at him irritably, urging him to hurry up because “we haven’t got all fuckin’ day.”

This was going to be an interesting journey.

**Author's Note:**

> I do like how this turned out, far more than the previous pieces that center around Mark and Dan. Maybe it’s because I had to really work with Jack and Harkness, far more than I did with Mark and Dan, so I had more time to think about wording and how the story flows.
> 
> Please let me know what you thought!


End file.
